May 2012
5 posts
Reflection.
It has been a while now, sitting here in this forest. By now only a tiny fragment of the ghosts path remained, the other tracks seemingly as vivid as the day I saw them. Getting up from my rock, I walked past the tree in the center, its gaze somewhat nullified by the time I had spent around it, I know in the end a simple tree couldn’t stop me.
Walking around the forest floor, I had time to...
The choice.
I sit here still, in the forest. The footprints still asking me to choose, to decide on what path I have to take.
I have waited a week in this strange place, the trees have grown darker, almost angry at my presence. One tree stood out, it was mighty and overlooked the center of the path. Shrouded with a menacing aura, I felt reluctant to be near it. This tree in its aeons of wisdom seemed to...
Footprints
I don’t think that I should’ve taken a detour off my main path, I saw the sign at the start off this road, warning me of the dangers ahead.
Something struck me as I looked down the path, an intense feeling of familiarity as if I had been down a similar road earlier in life.I saw what the terrain was like, and knew what part of the travel down this road would be like.
I knelt down...
The letter M
There is a growing attraction between us my dear… the road ahead might take a little while to travel, but I’ve already mapped out the path we should follow. Hopefully we end up at the same destination.
Green eyes.
I remember those eyes well, piercing and green, staring me down. Just above the rim of your glasses they sat, moving swiftly away every time I glanced back at you, only to return the moment you thought I wasn’t looking.
April 2012
4 posts
Wait, cancel that.
Goddamn I miss you Diana, I really can’t do this alone. You were my rock, my one piece of stability in this world. I need for you to be back in my life. I’m trying to stay strong for you, to give you a chance to grieve or to get over me. But you were the one who made me completely comfortable with myself, you are so beautiful and I was privileged to be part of your life. I still love...
Diana.
I miss you, I really do. But I have to move on, To free myself from the hold you have over me, a hold so beautiful and mesmerising that I can’t bear to lose. I have to be the fighter, battle through my yearning for you to wander through my front door. I have to be able to sleep at night, without your familiar snoring helping me. When we broke up, At the time I was heartbroken, I felt dead....
Watch this space.
Watch this space
Questions unanswered
I wish I could say I was feeling good, but I can’t. An uneasiness is creeping over me. Have you ever sat down and truly wondered, just where your direction in life is meant to be; Are the things that you want to happen ever going to? I’m not sure what the answers to the questions I am asking myself are, I just know that part of me has been wanting to ask. My brain is full of fuck at...
February 2012
3 posts
Fate...
Fate… its a funny thing, think about it. if every thing we do is predetermined, is the concept of free will merely a tool used to keep us on our path? Are we ever truly free?
I used to think my path was straight and narrow, yet it is anything but. I am not normal, yet im comfortable knowing that. There are things that I would prefer to be different, yet I know wont change until something...
In all honesty
I hate seeing things come to an end, It pains me. I invest a great deal of my time and emotions into the wellbeing of others that I feel almost put to the sideline, working in the shadows.
I feel as if I am the architect of the situation I have put myself in, moving things along where needed and being there for the people I care deeply for, because there is no place that I’d rather be.
...
Hello Elisha
Here, I updated my blog just so you could read it.
January 2012
2 posts
I know I'm sad
I know when I’ve had enough, when I have one song stuck on repeat, I think this is at least the 9th iteration of r.e.m’s “losing my religion”
Wait, it just rolled onto the tenth. I guess that means I have to drag myself out of bed, put on a face filled with false bravado, ride to work, try not to think and power through the day.
Then I can come home, stare at a blank...
Well that was a fun two days… I learnt things, some I had known others I had not, and one or two things I didn’t want to accept.
Right when life is good, it can throw you a curveball, hit you right in the heart, destroying a part of your life, replacing it with a twisted writhing mass of unchecked emotions, loss and confusion.
I feel as if the path I am on now, it will take me to...
November 2011
1 post
Again I have seemed to forget my blog.
This changes now.
I am here to writing this to tell you that my life is the closest thing to paradise a guy like me could have, I may not be living in a mansion, I may not have a six figure pay, I don’t drive a sports car.
But the thing is, I don’t need those things to be happy. If I ever want to be happy and be proud of the man I am, I look at my greatest achievement in life…
...
August 2011
1 post
I havent been on here for a while
So yeah I haven’t been on here for a while and thought I’d at least update the blog.
Things are going my way, I have a lovely woman, a full time job and a place over my head. There isn’t much else I’m going to write for the moment, but keep an eye open, I might have more to write in the future.
January 2011
1 post
Numb
Fuck…
Today was a miasma of sadness and melancholy.
Remember that feeling when you feel bad tidings coming, crashing down upon you like a tidal wave of foreboding sadness…
Yeah, I know that feeling.
October 2010
1 post
2:25 AM
So, another night spent up late…
Sleep doesn’t come as natural to me as what it used to, I used to be able to sleep quite a bit earlier on in the night, But recently I find myself staying up later and later.
It matters not, I shall write what I think.
I have a song stuck in my head at the moment, “How to save a life” by The Fray… It’s a pleasant enough, I...
September 2010
2 posts
4chan
4chan, it’s like a carnival, a show.
it’s a constant whirl of sideshows, every kind.
any of your thoughts are exploited, not just your own, thoughts of others that are just like you. people you’ve never met from all reaches of the globe.
women, men, teens, gay people, lesbians, child molesters, victims, anyone and everyone.
makes you wonder just how great our society is?
I...
Fuck!
Fuck it all. Fuck you, fuck me… Fuck work, fuck happiness, fuck everyone. You can all fucking burn. If Dee wasn’t cuddling me now I’d fucking scream. Fuck it! AAAAaaargh!
August 2010
2 posts
I love her
Dee… I love you, I’ve felt more happy in the last year than I’ve ever been. I just wanted you to know.
I'm So Tired
I’m so tired, but that’s probably due to the fact that it’s 2:22 in the morning as I wrote this.
So… First girfriend ever, Now has a kid. I wish them well, all the best and whatnot. Just thinking about that makes me notice that times are finally changing, life is progressing at a more accelerated pace. We’ve grown up and gotten jobs, gotten engaged, lost jobs, broken...
July 2010
2 posts
The Great Kitchen War
Day 1: The war on dishes… The plates advanced towards the sink, flanking the beef stroganoff from last night. three units of cups took place inside the sink, mellowing under the water as a unit of mugs advanced from behind the plates. The frying pan took place near the microwave preparing to lay waste to the water. The sponge was aligned next to the scourer and the scrubbing brush was...
Whoop de doo
God I’m so out of place, misaligned, and generally tired.
I feel as if life is now starting to move too slowly, is this all I am?
Is this how it’s meant to be?
I am unsure of my own goals anymore, am I to walk along the eternal footpath of life, never destined to walk on the other side?
Fuck I’m so irritated.
Decide for me people… Please?
June 2010
2 posts
And so...
Here I am… Dee asked me not to be too late, but creativity consumes me.
Again I am struck with creative insomnia… I have many thoughts swirling, half make my heart sink, the others elate me.
Sal… don’t know if you’re reading this, but you and Taite are simply awesome.
Anywho, I want to write more but the problem with a storm of ideas is that everything is...
And so the cycle continues
Greetings anyone who still reads this, I doubt anyone is out there, but I write on nonetheless, hoping to one day to fully understand the nature of my existence.
So… I had a fight with dee today, and it hurt.
My heart started palpatating, the sheer unexpressed terror washing like a wave through my body, racking me to the core.
God I love her, I hope to never feel this again, she means too...
April 2010
2 posts
1 tag
So... I created a "Formspring"
Yeah, I created one out of boredom, So feel free to ask me anything, if anyone still reads this blog, http://formspring.me/Askral is the address.
A short story (part 5)
The years that followed seemed such a blur to the man, his days merging into full weeks of meandering in his house, blazed to his eyeballs.
You could say that Death himself wanted to work slowly…
First it was his friends, he cast them out screaming abuse at them for intefering in his affairs, they tried to help him. He did not listen, after all… What would they know about loss and...
March 2010
1 post
(no title)
I’m still awake, it’s nearly three in the morning.
I can’t get over this sense of quasi-forboding i feel, like something bad is on its way.
i feel my body falling, a general downwards movement, like a waterfall, but it is just my emotions kept unchecked.
i’m gonna go hug Dee.
XX
Ah fuck it i’ll keep writing, a good song just came on.
i appreciate the finer sides...
February 2010
2 posts
Fiery Grace
Do you know that look some women have, the sort of fiery beauty, the harshness of their glare, sort of surreal isn’t it? A woman can be so controlling over a man, reducing him to a withering mess. Totally consumed by lust, a womans eyes are captivating. they control us, they decieve us, they calm us, they admire us, they hate us, they love us.
Tis beautiful
A short story (part 4)
The days that followed seemd like a blur, a miasma of images flooding his weakened soul. minutes turned into hours, days turned into weeks. He wasted away in his chair, the whiskey talking to him with its poisonous embrace. The bottle of the brown love was always at his side, whispering the sweet nothings he longed to hear.
Some say that he died as soon as his wife did, others say he was dead in...
December 2009
2 posts
A short story (part 3)
The wind bit into his flesh, the street lights flickered spasmodically. Grimacing the man walked on, his cigarette near extinguished.
The rain beat down upon the sodden earth, but for the man it seemed like it was destined for him. He reached into his wallet and pulled out the picture of her, and made his choice.
Walking down the street, he trudged onwards, his coat soaked in the rain. Placing...
Hmmm
Right now as I type this, I feel a little frustrated. I have no reason to feel so. I merely do. I feel almost in adequate… no that’s not the right word for it. I just feel as if somewhere this is not what I’m meant to be. perhaps it is the late night ramblings of a madman, or maybe I’m just having a down moment, I feel as if nothing I will ever do will mean anything, and it...
September 2009
1 post
Trapped
we all end up in one point trapped in emotional whirlwind, desensitized to the world, numbed to all. we cry ourselves to sleep, break down, struggle, fight… lose.
The trap snares us all, sneaking upon us, lurking within the dark recesses of the mind, seething and burning all desire for happiness and control. It tortures us with the deathly cold knowledge of imminent failure.
The trap sucks...
August 2009
4 posts
what's on my mind?
what’s on my mind as I write this… perhaps it could be that my girlfriend is laying on the couch serene and graceful. Her beauty is a sight to behold, gorgeous as well as fun.
I feel like I am different to most people, like part of me does not belong in this world, not saying I’m going to kill myself, no nothing like that. just that I feel out of place.
What else could I...
My mind
I sit here and write this, with the need to get out what I feel.
I feel different to others, not in a bad way, not necessarily good, merely juxtaposed to everyone. My mind works different, I can percieve things on a different level, not so much higher, just different. I believe that an altruistic person will never exist, I believe in a higher state of reasoning, an almost illogical form of...
A short story (part 2)
He crossed the kitchen floor, sobbing as he trudged along. the smell of coffee permeated the air, slightly perking the room up.
Puring some coffee from the freshly brewed pot, he slipped into the comfortable chair by the kitchen table, and sipped the coffee slowly, reminiscing.
His thoughts strayed to her, she consumed his mind, wreaking havoc on his calm soul.
After picking himself up from...
Depression
What causes the complete desolation that is the feeling of depression? why are we mired into the shackles of obscurity? opressed by our own feelings of ineptitude, forced to think that we are alone, a slave to our own mind?
I myself suffer, day in and day out it creeps up on me, slowly sinking its claws in further into my soul raking the flesh of my fragile mind, slowly wasting me into nothing,...
July 2009
5 posts
a short story (part one)
this is a short story just so i can make sense of what i’m thinking
he wakes up, his head drenched in sweat. a silent scream escapes his lips, echoing from the very fibre of his being.
he gets out of bed, walking slowly, purposefully towards the nightstand.
reaching down towards the surface of the polished redgum wood, he picks up the picture.
a wave of emotions clash over him, focusing...
what's the point?
Is there any reason in doing what we do for love? does it all seem inconsequential in the broad scheme of things? should we even bother with it, can we live without the constan striving for affection and support, are we stron enough to go the world alone, or does accepting love merit a sign of strength? are some of us destined to be the forerunners of the hopeless, the unloved and the damned, a...
We all seek the eye
so… what am i doing right now, sitting here thinking of what i could do to rectify the problem, the veronicas are blasting in the background thanks to my roommate. i have questions, things that need answering, perhaps to gain some modicum of guaranteed peace of mind, or perhaps i merely wish the answer to be what i want, and i can only find out what that is through personal discovery. my...
Hmmm...
Hmm what to say?
Currently listening to: Rob Dougan - Nothing At All
what does this song mean to me, i find it a very moving song on at least three different levels, and so i have three interpretations of the aforementioned song.
my first interpretation is: of A great love lost
the song has a haunting guitar melody (at least to me it is) And this meaning got me thinking, how many of us have...
Release...
we all seek a release in our lives, whether it be the mundane sort of release from doing something pleasurable, to the sort of release that only comes around rarely, such as escaping an abusive relationship, or starting a good one, a release can come in all sorts of forms.
As just said, starting a new relationship can bring on a form of release, in the type of not having to continually berate...
June 2009
2 posts
Feeling a little frustrated
You… you push me away, you foolish girl do you not see the love I can give to you? Do you ignore it, not notice it, is there a reason you are blind to my emotions? I hate you, you make me feel relaxed and at ease, you tease me with emotions I am not ready to understand. My life has been a miserable rollercoaster of unending, brutal raw emotion. Fuck you! My life was bad enough as is. Why do I love...
Balance
Hey all, i apologise for the lack of posts. i’ve been busy and things have been a little… hectic to say the least. Due to the irregularity of my life i have been thinking much on something that we all strive to achieve and yet we depend on it’s failure to lead an interesting life. i’m talking about Balance in life. We all seek to have some sort of order and system to what...
May 2009
15 posts
To women... again.
Again i need to express myself about what i feel about women.
Women are so beautiful, they make the world a better place. their smile so endearing and their laughter is like music, a smile that is contagious. Their form is so graceful, tightly packed muscles are stuck to a lithe frame, the skin never missing an opportunity to flow smoothly onto a fine bone structure.
they are so delicate and...
Commonality
I’m cold, tired, grumpy.
now that i got that out of the way, i was asked a few nights ago by a friend of mine “what common ground do we all share?”
this poses an interesting question, is there such a thing as the common ground we all share, and if so when will we know if we ever reach it.
i believe that on some level yes there is a common ground.
the human species is a...
An in depth study of the english language
Let’s face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger, neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly,...
Apologies
For personal reasons i have removed the latest post. It will be back up later when i deem it appropriate.
Apologies to three of my fans
Raegis
Beauty
Everytime I go outside i see the world for what it is. if you look around there is beauty everywhere, from the sound of a bird chirping in the mighty pine trees, to the gentle flow of a cloud as it drifts hazily above us. The way that the sun gently caresses your skin, to the way lightning streaks in uncontrolled power. Earth is full of so many beautiful things, and we need to get out and...